Raising Grateful Kids- (With a Twist)

Facebook is a fantastic way to communicate and network with people all around the world. It is also a way to learn how your friends are, discover what brings them joy, and feel their suffering alongside of them.

Yesterday I read a status update that stirred my spirit. A mom was lamenting about raising her daughter in today's world. She said "I am wondering how to teach my 12 year old daughter to be grateful, especially when we live in a world of surplus and greed."

How often do we hear this cry?

We so desperately want our children to be different and set apart from the world. We see how the world is transforming our kids when we desire for our kids to be transforming the world. And thus, we lament and grieve deeply that the church is not stepping up and forming us as we should be formed-- and instead, the world is forming us.

So what is a parent to do? We are completely aware we are deeply grieved when our kids want more stuff- but we do not know what to do about it. We feel lost.

I suggested to this dear mother- to look at things a little differently. I asked her if I could get a little crazy and suggest something completely radical.

Perhaps- instead of teaching our children to be grateful for what they HAVE (stuff, that they have what they need- even if it is not as flashy as the next kid), we should be teaching our children to be grateful for WHO THEY ARE (as beautiful children in relationship with their parents and God).

I think all too often we focus on what we have over who we are.

The fact our children want more stuff is only a symptom. It's like the sneeze. We do not say our children have "the sneeze." Rather, our children have a cold and one of their symptoms is a sneeze.

The sneeze in this case- is our children want more stuff. They want to be as cool as the next kid. They want the cutest shoes. They want to dress the best. They need an Ipod and the Jonas Brothers CD. This- is only a sneeze.

The sickness is how we (the church and parents) view our lives. Just like our kids, we care more about our "stuff." We talk in terms of how "grateful we are for what we have" when so many other people have so little. And thus, even our language of being grateful usually reflects STUFF. Just think about what you mentioned at the dinner table last Thanksgiving; for what were you thankful?

Perhaps- we should be focusing on our thankfulness in terms of who we ARE in relation to one another in community. We should be grateful for our families, our church, the little old lady who hugs us in the foyer. We should be grateful for who the church is making us- as a family formed differently in the world.

In other words: Relationships and a transformation of our very being is what matters. We must develop a passion for all who take a breath from the same air we do. And as for that "stuff" we have- this is what the world cares about the most. But remember we are not the world- we are the church! We must be grateful for those who participate in life- and adore them simply because they exist. For when we truly love each other in community, we will have all the "stuff" we need.

It is our relationships in the community of faith that form us to be different in this world. It is who we participate in life with (in the church) that forms us into who we are and who we are becoming. THIS is where our focus of gratefulness should be.

As parents, and as a church, we must teach our children NOT to be grateful for what they have (that they have more than the next person or that they have enough to supply their needs). We need to teach our young people to have a different focus. We MUST teach them to be grateful for who they are and who they are becoming. To be grateful for who they are able to participate in life with and a church family who loves them- simply because they exist.

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The picture you see at the top is from the ministry of "The Simple Way," see http://www.simpleway.org/ (with Shane Claiborne). This ministry helps us focus on living as the slaughtered lamb (as the flag picture above portrays) rather than living by the way of this world. This visual image shouts and declares there is another way for the church to live-- and excites us to figure it out together.

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