Putting God above our Hurt Feelings So We Can FORGIVE, Genesis 50:15-21

Tomorrow morning I am preaching on forgiveness and it is really hard on me. I believe I will admit to my congregation I am preaching this sermon to myself. Because when we are hurt really bad we want to be angry and not forgive.

And if anyone has the right to be angry and not forgive the wrongs done to them, it's... Cinderella. I mean, think about this poor girl. Her sisters take away the love of her life. Her evil step-mother makes her scrub floors. Cinderella's life is pretty bad.

And look for a moment at the modern remake of this story "Cinderella Story" with Hilary Duff. We see this poor girl crying because her Dad died. We see her scrubbing the floors and wiping hair out of her face with her pruney, soap stained fingers... We see her falling on her face wearing the roller skates her step-mother makes her wear... and we see her sob as she reads a fake rejection letter from Princeton that her horrible, evil step-mother maliciously wrote to torment her. If anyone in the whole world has the right to be angry and not forgive the wrongs done to them, it's Cinderella.

Although, if anyone in the world has the right to be angry and not forgive the wrongs done to them... maybe it's Joseph. Think about this poor guy in scripture. His evil, non step-brothers are jealous of his sweet multi-colored coat from the Gap and make fun of him. Then, his brothers come up with a plot to KILL him... and throw him in a well. And then, if that's not enough, Joseph's brothers sell him into slavery. He loses his home, his family, his pets, everything he knows... because his stupid brothers SELL him. If anyone in the whole world has the right to be angry and not forgive the wrongs done to them... it's this guy. And Cinderella... and you, and me.

But what do these two characters do, those who have every right in the world not to forgive? What do they do? Does Cinderella hold eternal bitterness in her heart? Does she talk to her friends about how evil and pathetic her step family is? Does she gossip endlessly to prove she is the best? Does she say, "I'll admit to forgiveness, but in my heart I will never trust them again?" And what about Joeseph? Does he ignore the wrongs done to him, pretend like his brothers never existed? Does he compartmentalize things and file it away, repressing the torment of his past? Does he try to control everyone else in his life so they won't hurt him like his brothers? Did he stand up and rub in their faces how awesome he was compared to the little boy they threw in the well? No. Neither of the stories play out like this!

In the 2004, 94 minute remake of Cinderella, Sam (the Cinderella character), after suffering about as much pain as a person can take without being hooked up to an IV in a hospital, goes to the person who hurt her the most and says, "Even though I have no family, no job, and no money for college... it's you I feel sorry for." In other words she says, because I believe in myself and I know who I am, you're the one with the problem. You're the one who this is eating away... not me. She realizes who has the problem and this is the first step in forgiveness. Even the world knows this! It made it into a movie. Because sometimes taking responsibility for the problem hinders forgiveness... and really it's the other person for whom you should feel sorry. For the one who does extreme damage is really destroying themselves.

Like Cinderella, fill in the blank. "Even though you took ______________ from me" or "Even though you hurt me when you did_______________," it's you for whom I feel sorry. It's you who's being damaged.

And Joseph, he's on our list of people who have every right in the world not to forgive and yet he does some amazing things:

1. First, he leaves the righting of wrongs to God. Joseph does not point out all the evil his brothers did to him, he lets God do the convicting. And when we leave the righting of wrongs to God... it means we must give a few things up.

A. We must give up our need to tell everyone the truth and vindicate ourselves. When someone wrongs us, the first thing we want to do is vindicate ourselves. We want desperately to tell people the truth and proclaim the right story for everyone. When someone or a group of someone's hurt us deeply, our fallen (sinful) instinct is to preserve our reputation and set them strait. Joseph does not do this. He leaves the righting of wrongs to God.

If you have ever needed to know how to give up what you want for God or wondered what you could give up for God, perhaps you should be giving up your need to set the record strait. Giving up your need to "set the record strait" is by far, one of the hardest things to give up... but true, Christ-like attitudes require we do this. If you really want to be a follower of Christ, you need to lay down your right to vindicate yourself (to set the record strait) and let God vindicate you. God can do a better job of setting the record strait than you can anyway. So leave the righting of wrongs to God. Put God's Church, God's Kingdom, God's plan above a need to set the record strait.

B. When we let go of righting our wrongs we have to let go of our need to tell the right story and we also need to give up our pain, our hurt, our self-doubt, & our weakness. We need to give God the pain, the lack of strength. We need to admit we can't do it-- we can't control all these emotions and this pain. Give it all to God. Use the pain and hurt as a way to remember we are human, we are not God and we so desperately need God to come help us. Sometimes when someone hurts us, we cling to that pain. We want to hold onto it because we don't want to let anyone hurt us like that again. But in the end, we have a choice: Hold onto the pain or give it up for the sake of God's Church? Put God's Church, God's Kingdom, God's plans above your pain and hurt.

C. When we let go of righting our wrongs we have to let go of our need to tell the right story, give up our pain and hurt to God, and... we need to be strong enough to let other people think we are weak. Nothing is more difficult than letting go of your right to show everyone how strong you are. But true strength comes from being strong enough to allow others to actually think you're weak. If you have ever needed to know how to give up what you want for God or wondered what you could give up for God, perhaps you should be giving up your desire to show everyone how strong you are. And I know, giving up a desire to show everyone how strong you are is one of the hardest things in the world to do. But if you're working hard to prove how strong you are, who has the control? You or God? Put God's Church, God's Kingdom, God's plans above your need to prove you're not weak.

2. Joseph, the one who has the right not to forgive if anyone has the right, does some amazing things. First, he leaves the righting of wrongs to God. And second, he sees God's plan and providence... even in human evil. Joseph could have said, "you meant to harm me and you are evil." But this is not what he said. He does not call them his evil step-brothers. Joseph says, "you meant to hurt me, but God turned your evil into good" (NCV). That takes a lot of guts Joseph, I'm impressed. To be able to look at the people who wronged you, who did extreme damage and say, "yeah it was evil. You were the one with the problem... but God is bigger than human's selfishness." And to be able to see where God takes the nastiest, ugliest, most disgusting sins and turn it into something beautiful, is a great gift. It is like seeing a pile of trash (waste dripping in gooey nastiness) into art. We need to have eyes that see a God who can take "nothing" (lifeless, hopeless, gooey trash) and turn it into something.

This reminds me of the story of Maria Chapman (the 5 year old daughter of the Christian artist and song writer, Stephen Curtis Chapman). She was hit by a car in their driveway and tragically died. That's trash, if I ever saw it. There's nothing more disgusting than thinking of a child's death. That is horrible trash. And yet, God has taken this trash and made something beautiful out of it. Maria was adopted and the organization she was adopted through has (so far) received over $700,000 dollars of donations in her memory. God took the most horrendous trash and breathed life. Like Joseph, we need to see God's plan and providence for us, even in human evil as bad as death... especially when that human evil effects us. We must put God's Church, God's Kingdom, and God's plan above the desire to focus on the trash over art.

3. Joseph, the one who has the right not to forgive, if anyone has the right does some amazing things. First, he leaves the righting of wrongs to God. Second, he sees God's plan and providence even in human evil, and third, he repays evil with forgiveness. Joseph's brothers torment him and what does he do? He forgives! He could have repaid their evil with more evil. He could have continued torturing them for the rest of their lives (he was the one who held the power now). Instead, Joseph chooses to act like God would want him to act. No matter how hurt he was by his brothers, he still forgave them. Put God's Church, God's Kingdom, God's plans above your hurt and pain to forgive.

When we do these three things (leave the righting of wrongs to God, see God's plan and providence in human evil, and repay evil with forgiveness) we act like the Church of Jesus Christ. We are choosing what God wants over what we want.

Taking the high road is one of the hardest things anyone could ever do. Choosing to be a person of Jesus Christ, no matter how hurt you are or regardless of how you FEEL is one of the most difficult things a person can do. But you're the Church... this is how we are to act. This is who we were meant to be! People who FORGIVE, EVEN WHEN WE HAVE EVERY RIGHT IN THE WORLD NOT TO FORGIVE.

We are the Church. We are to love others. And we are to LOVE WITHOUT BOUNDRIES. We cannot draw a line in the sand and say, "I'm not going to love you" or "I'm not going to love you enough to forgive you." We are the Church... and if the world will ever know they are in need of a loving God, then the Church actually needs to ACT like the Church. We want the world to look at the Church and say (in the words of Stanley Hauerwas' prayer), "Huh, see how they love one another?" We want the world to say, "those Christian people forgive when there is NO reason to forgive" and "if anyone in the world has the right not to forgive, it was that Christian... and I saw that Christian forgive!" We are to love others enough... to forgive them.

And if you want to step in the right direction, it's okay to pray "God, I am unable to act like you want me to act right now... but keep working on me. I want to forgive them but I can't just yet." And it's okay to pray, "Take that inkling and make it more. Transform me so that I can forgive as you forgive... take my crushed spirit and enable me to do more than I could imagine and truly forgive someone who hurt me so deeply." And it's okay to pray, "I want to be like you. But I can't, you're going to have to do it for me. Help me to put your Church over myself, even when I hurt." Because before long, God will answer that prayer and work in your heart. But you have to start somewhere... if you can't forgive just yet, ask God to start changing your heart so you can forgive.

Again, no one needs this sermon more than I do. I have been seriously wounded lately and it's not fair. If I was to have an altar call, I would have to be the first one down there. And so I pray... God help us to be enabled to forgive.

My pastoral prayer to end the service will be something along the lines of..."God of all grace and mercy... help us to extend mercy, even when we don't feel like it. Teach us how to love people who have hurt us so deeply we can't breathe. We don't really want to extend mercy to people we don't think deserve it... but we know you're a God who asks us to extend mercy to everyone, regardless of their skintone, the way they look, the way they talk... You're a God who asks us to extend mercy to everyone... regardless of the way they want to make us feel about ourselves, the way they act, or even the way they have hurt us. And so we give to you all we are and all we really think... take our inkling and help us to forgive. Help us to choose your Church and your Kingdom over our own pain. Because your plan for creation is so much greater than how we feel. Take our feelings and use them to enable your creation purposes. You choose us to be your people, your covenant community, full of faults and all... to be more than the sum of our hurt feelings. Amen."